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Archiver > ONTARIO > 2000-02 > 0949724893


From: "The Burgers" <>
Subject: Re: [ONT] re: adoptive persons
Date: Fri, 4 Feb 2000 23:28:13 -0500


Date sent: Fri, 04 Feb 2000 12:01:28 -0500
From: KALA WILSON <>
To:
Subject: Re: [ONT] re: adoptive persons

> I am an adopted child of my step-fathers since I was the age of 2. I had
> completely forgotten about my birthfather. My parents never spoke of him and
> neither did other family members(grandparents, aunts and uncles etc.) This was
> my stepfathers wish. When I was a snoopy 12 year old I found documents about my
> mothers divorce to another man and I was floored. My mother finally told my
> sister and I about our birthfather. I am 32 years old now and I just found him
> after years of searching. I hold resentment towards my stepfather for wanting to
> hold back this information and not wanting us to have a relationship with this
> man. Being one who searches family history, I feel this is important information
> to know. If I had never found out I would be researching someone else's line. I
> do believe you should ask first before dishing out this type of information but I
> would certanly explain to the person how important it is to write the truth.
> These children whether they would like to know the history of their family or
> just want to know who there parents are, should have the opportunity to make up
> there own minds whether this is what they wish to know.
> I wouldn't wish the kind of resentment I have with my family on anyone else.
> That's my two cents,
> Regards, Kala
>
I think that I have an interesting perspective on this, as I am
adopted and I have adopted my son.

I have always felt a part of the family, I was raised by my parents
and loved by my relatives. The woman who gave birth to me is
neither. For whatever reason she did not raise me and has no say
in my life and I have no say in hers.

Parents are the people who wipe the poop from your bum when you
are a crying baby. They are the people who sacrifice so that you
can have. They are the people who are willing to take a chance on
you.

My son's "genetic contributor" gave nothing to his well-being, he
was only interested in manipulating my then girlfriend. When the
judge ordered him to pay just $200 a month in child support he
offered him up for me to adopt. Is THAT a parent? Am I denying my
son anything by telling him about that?

My son, as was I, is being raised with the same love and hope that
my GGGgrandfather had for his children when he came to Canada
in the early 1800's. My son, as was I, is being told the lore and
family history that got him to be where and what he is today.

To a purist, we are not truly members of the Burger family.

Please remember though that paternity is strictly a matter of trust.

And that is my two cents.

Doug Burger

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