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Archiver > NEWGEN > 2000-08 > 0966890298


From: "Sally Pavia" <>
Subject: [NEWGEN] Find All Your Ancestors Online!
Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2000 13:38:18 -0700


Dear All

Welcome to my super-fast instant ancestry programme! I am
proud to announce the launch of an exciting new service for
wannabe family historians who find research the old-fashioned
way rather boring. You, too, can have a family tree back to
Adam and Eve ENTIRELY from the Internet!!! Here is an amazing,
once-in-a-lifetime, never-to-be repeated offer.....

SEND me 10,000 dollars, your date of birth, your chest and
inside leg measurements, the location of the pub where your
granny met your granddad and the name of that milkman with the
hairy nose that your Auntie Maude had the wild affair with -
and I guarantee I will have your family tree at least back to
Nebuchadnezzar the Daft of Outer Mongolia in the 3rd century
BC before you can say "IGI" !!!

NO more listening to boring old farts droning on about how you
need to read a book on family history. Books - outdated, who
needs 'em?

NO more need to visit dreary old Record Offices or waste your
precious time looking at boring bits of paper covered in
squiggly writing that you can't understand anyway.

NO more need to listen to self-appointed, so-called experts
who try to tell you they can help you just because they've
been in genealogy since March 1897 and who will try and
persuade you to join a family history society where you will
meet hordes of equally boring people who also think they know
it all.

I absolutely guarantee you a family tree you can be proud of,
that will show your descent from such famous historical
figures as Mary Queen of Scots, Oliver Cromwell, Sir Francis
Drake, William the Conqueror, Charlemagne, the Norse god
Woden, Charles II's head coachman's illegitimate son, a 4th
cousin twice removed of Henry VIII, Cyril the Incontinent of
Babylon, Frederick the Flatulent of the Austro-Hungarian
Empire, Baron Frankenstein, Joan Collins and the Man in the
Off-Licence Round the Corner.

How do I do it? Simple - I log onto the Internet, spend half
an hour or so trawling the world wide web and - bingo! - there
is your Instant Family Tree! Here's how it works...

First, I find the marriage of your great-granny on the IGI,
then I find someone of the same name who was born in a parish
100 miles away from where she was married, so that's bound to
be her, isn't it? Then I ring up this mate of mine who
specialises in doing look-ups from the 1861 census [which
hasn't been indexed] in places like London, Leeds, Sheffield,
Bristol, Manchester and Glasgow. He sticks a pin in anywhere
on the census and gives me a couple more names to work with. I
reckon they have as much chance of being your gt-gt-
grandparents as anyone else, so it's back to the Net. I feed
the names into umpteen databases and websites until I come up
with someone of the same name who claims to be descended from
Edward III. Ah, yes, this looks as good a bet as any. Nobody
is going to notice if I casually slip your gt-gt-grandad and
granny into a GEDCOM that shows they were also descended from
Alfred the Great and the monk who did the slopping-out at
Whitby Abbey, are they?

So there you have it - a wonderful, Instant Family Tree, and
all from the Internet. And what I don't find I simply MAKE
UP!!! What could be easier? Apply now for the bargain of all
time and discover how to make Internet genealogy really work
for you!

Roy Stockdill
Editor, The Journal of One-Name Studies
The Stockdill Family History Society (Guild of One-Name Studies, FedFHS)
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/roystock
reprinted with permission of Roy Stockdill; email dated 21 Aug 2000

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