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Archiver > FAIRFAX > 2004-11 > 1100266357


From: "Fairfax, Dan" <>
Subject: SENDING OLD MEN TO WAR
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 07:32:37 -0600


SALUTE!!!!!

My Nephew, Captain Patrick Fairfax, US Army Reserve, Florida is
scheduled for deployment over there very soon, think I will send this to
him so he can ask for a deferral until he turns 36 ...{:)

God Bless America and our US OUTSTANDING TROOPS!!!

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR AWESOME TROOPS IN PRAYER!!!!

Dan

-----------------

-----Original Message-----
From: Kay Elgin [mailto:]
Sent: Friday, November 12, 2004 3:05 AM
To: Fairfax, Dan
Subject: Fw: SENDING OLD MEN TO WAR
> If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those
> responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City
and
> Washington, DC But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too
old
> to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the
military.
> They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds
off
> to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
>
> You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters:
>
> Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
> guys
> only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that
28,000
> additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
>
> Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
> soldier is
> a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them
into
> submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote
control?"
>
> An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
> until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy,
on
> the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's
35
> and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do
> wonders for the old beer belly.
>
> An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 A.M. Old guys get up
> early
> every morning to pee.
>
> If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
> probably
> forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would
be
> a real brain teaser.
>
> Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
> screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also
> developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost

> better than naps.
>
> They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in
> combat
> and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side,
nor
> did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear
the
> Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."
>
> And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
> anyone
> outrun a bullet.
>
> An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning
> to
> shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without
the
> top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's

> still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles,
and
> that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture
an
> eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little
more
> about life before sending them off to possible death. >
>
> Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our
> hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see
right
> now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
>
> Share this with your senior friends (It's purposely in big type)
...{:)
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