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Archiver > ESSEX-UK > 2004-09 > 1094298955


From: Julie Skellern <>
Subject: Re: Essex family problems - to disclose or not?
Date: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 23:56:04 +1200
In-Reply-To: <002501c4905c$b3de5560$92ba89d9@o9f9o3>


So far.. this has been the best response, and most sensible solution to the
problem that Colleen raised. There IS a huge difference between keeping
quiet on things that may upset immediate living family, and supplying data
from a source to a fellow researcher. In the latter case you merely
transcribe and transmit the details verbatim, it cannot be your role to
decide what may or may not upset someone.

But I quietly "fudge" some details in my genealogical programme for family
trees, where it concerns people, living today, who are living in ignorant
bliss of the facts. UNTIL someone starts tracing that branch of the family
tree themselves.... then I subtly point them to the correct records, so they
make the right discovery.

And I record current day out-of-wedlock births the way the parents want them
recorded..... with or without the natural father. I do not research
current, living people.... but rely solely on what people will disclose.
For me, that's dealing with issues sensitively..... and if 100 years down
the track someone comes across the family tree I have prepared... they'll
also see that it's the way their gt.aunty Joan told the facts..... because
all of my reports have citations as to the sources of my information.

My own immediate family (aunts & uncles) are divided on disclosures. It was
a huge shock to discover their mother's illegitimacy (after her death)....
but they'd become a bit more blase by the time I sort-of announced that both
their grandmother's weren't the good little virgins they'd presumed that
they would have been when they married. (You'd have to know my family to
understand the impact, but I just told my Mum, and let her deal with her
siblings!!!)

But none of my extended family will ever know from me about the cousin who
killed his own father just 20 years ago, or about a lovers' suicide pact
that took place in the 1930s, unless they already know the basic details,
and ask if I've unearthed any facts to substantiate it... then, after
considering the circumstances I might disclose such information.

Jools
New Zealand



Hi Anne,

I feel there is a big difference between not telling things to family
members who are not doing family research, and witholding or far worse,
misrepresenting, facts, when dealing with ones who are.

Bev



> Colleen,
> I agree with you. I would not tell. My aunt got very upset when he
> discovered our great grandfather did not get married until several
> children - including our grandfather - had been born. So I have not
> told her what I have found out - that he started another family with
> his second wife before his first wife died, and that another ancestor
> from another side of the family committed suicide.
> With genetic traits, it's slightly different. Then you might want to
> tell the younger people. But you can let the pictures tell their own
> story. People are very good at not seeing what they don't want to see.
> Best wishes,
> Anne

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