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Archiver > ESSEX-UK > 2004-09 > 1094073080


From: "Lawrence Greenall" <>
Subject: RE: Essex family problems - to disclose or not?
Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2004 22:15:26 +0100
In-Reply-To: <016601c48ffc$3eec4a60$a8790650@packard>


I would suggest that, at the very start, each client be asked to fill in a
standard questionnaire form asking them to tick yes or no as to whether they
want to know about any 'irregularities' that may be turned up during
subsequent research. This could be an example:

Please tick Y or N below if you wish to
be informed should the research you are
commissioning reveal any of the following
situations in your ancestry:

Illegitimacy Y N
Genetic disorders Y N
Hereditary traits Y N
Bancruptcy Y N
Prison records Y N
Royal descent Y N...


...and so on - if the form is returned unfilled with a comment like 'how
dare you ask me such questions' then you'll know exactly what to mention and
what to keep under your hat!

Perhaps the form could be made more sophisticated by beginning with asking
the client to set down exactly what information they are primarily seeking,
then moving on to asking what isn't sought and doesn't need to be known.

Lawrence

Back in the late 80s I pulled a skeleton out of its hiding place by going to
view an ancestor's grave in a churchyard near Ongar and then going on to the
village shop to enquire about the surname. This led to my knocking on a
cottage door and being invited in to tea and cakes with my ancestor's
daughter by a second wife - born while he was still married to the first one
(who was also my ancestor). I'd broken the spell. My distant relative (who
insisted that we weren't related) made a few phone calls, and all the then
elder generation got to hear about my visit. The wall of silence which had
been almost invisible suddenly broke down and I spent the next several
months hearing great long stories about how wonderful this man really was
despite all that had happened. I know that this considerably eased many an
aching heart that had been burdened for over four decades with the secret,
and for many of them the release was very timely. I don't think that any
amount of planning or preparation or careful thought could have succeeded in
the slightest, where my amateur Sunday afternoon stumbling inadvertently
proved very successful. This alone made my interest in family history more
than worthwhile.



> -----Original Message-----
> From: colleen morrison [mailto:]
> Sent: 01 September 2004 09:18
> To:
> Subject: Essex family problems - to disclose or not?
>
>
> From time to time I help with a query and discover something in
> the past regarding an enquirer's direct line of ancestors that
> might upset the enquirer if I tell them. I don't mean murderers,
> murder victims, out of wedlock births or that sort of thing, many
> of us have those and don't bat an eyelid about this or even
> welcome the colour it gives our research.
>
> The sort of problem I'm thinking of is that of a long line of
> Essex people who were very tiny, not much more than 3' tall, I
> would think, if that - referred to as dwarfs at the time, though
> that's not a very nice way to describe someone and its probably a
> discriminatory term in Britain today. Some of this line married
> very tiny people too, and the trait appears to have been a persistent one.
>
> Anyway, I usually decide that itsnot my business to point this
> out and say nothing. But am I right to do so? If my ancestors had
> ancestors with genetic traits such as this I would want to know,
> so perhaps I have no right to keep such information to myself.
> Saying nothing can also make it difficult when I'm asked for
> copies of photographs which show the above line by enquirers who
> are descended from it.
>
> A friend of mine has discovered a lot of extreme extra-marital
> goings on, confused paternity and missing marriages among the one
> set of recent ancestors. His attitude is that even very elderly
> and frail members of his family should be told the truth. I
> personally would not tell them about this. What do others do in
> such circumstances?
>
> I should add that none of the above applies to anyone I'm helping
> at present or I wouldn't post this.
>
> Colleen
>
>

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