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Archiver > ESSEX-UK > 2004-09 > 1094067223


From: "Bev Harsh" <>
Subject: Re: Essex family problems - to disclose or not?
Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2004 20:33:43 +0100
References: <200409011044.i81AiM0T000309@mail.rootsweb.com>


Hi Jo,

I feel that unless you have definitely promised to not tell his children
and grandchildren, you are under no obligation to not tell. If they are
interested in family history they will find out anyway, and so often it is
"if only I had asked my mother/aunt/grandmother about her family and now it
is too late".

Bev

> You don't think to question the
> knowledge of the living as you assume it is all correctly recorded but I
> found that my mother and her (still alive) brother were in fact only
> half-siblings..they'd had different fathers and he had actually been
> christened under a different name...totally unbeknown to him and all the
> family for 67 yrs.
>
> We took the decision to tell him what we'd found - as with the advent of
the
> internet and records being made so available to the public by
1837-0nline
> etc it would have been awful for his grandchildren to find out that way.
> He's taken it badly, its brought out a lot of negative feelings for him
and
> he's chosen not to tell his children or grandchildren..my cousins.
>
> I'm now somewhat lumbered with the "knowledge" & feel they should
know..if
> only for genetic purposes in case there's ever a medical issue but I
have to
> respect his wishes, and will continue to do so. His main issue is the
> annoyance that he was not told by his mother and feels very deceived -
he
> can deal with the ilegitimacy quite easily, thats life and you have to
> accept it has always happened and always will - no point being precious
or
> offended by it), it's merely the deceit that has been painful.
>
> Unless you know the folk well it is very much a risk as to how they'll
take
> news of any genetic issue..common sense would tell us that factual info'
> like that should be presented and the recipient chooses what to do with
the
> information themselves.


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