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From:
Subject: Re: ESSEX-UK-D Digest V04 #271. Message #6. Colleen Morrison
Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2004 15:22:08 EDT


Hi Colleen,

I suspect that the majority of problems you and other listers mention result
from a lack of clear understanding at the start of helping or working for
someone, commercially or otherwise. As I remember, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not
in our stars That we are underlings, but in ourselves."

If it were me, I would make a written statement, adapted to my own style,
before committing to anyone, basically as follows:

The work I do will establish the facts as recorded in
authoritative archives.
Such archives contain records which themselves are subject to
the errors of
the recorders, for which I am not responsible.
My work should not be construed as judgemental of the lives or
behaviour of
the people recorded. It is simply and wholly an impersonal
statement of the
records as researched in the archives.
Feelings run very high in families; I am not responsible for
any facts which
may prove to be unpalatable, unacceptable, embarrassing,
disturbing or
otherwise inconveniencing to the reader(s).

I would also be sure to sit down with the person I might be helping/working
for, and give him/her a written statement of the above. Then I would discuss
each of the above points thoroughly, and judge whether he/she understands what
is going on, and be sure I know where he/she is coming from. If he/she doesn't
understand, and I'm not sure where he/she is coming from, I would keep out of
anything further, "tip my hat and quietly walk away." If I were to go ahead, I
would make absolutely sure to stick to the above principles. If for whatever
reason it happens that I don't, then I have to accept with a good grace
whatever flack is fired at me, and acknowledge I made a fool of myself. We all make
mistakes. Unhappily, but necessarily, it is one way of learning

Doing a job for somebody is one thing. Helping is quite another. I would make
as sure as possible that I and the other person are not confusing the two.
Doing a job for someone with specified preconditions may not turn out to be
easy, but potential conflict can be minimized. Helping others is difficult for
one simple reason. Help is help only if it is perceived as help.

Incidentally, I think the accepted medical name for the condition that
produces dwarfs is "dwarfism." Again, nothing personal. Just an accepted way of
talking about it. On to the next issue.......

Nobody promised us a rose garden.

Hoping this is helpful,

Bill Jones.


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