ESSEX-UK-L Archives

Archiver > ESSEX-UK > 2004-09 > 1094035463


From: "Jo" <>
Subject: RE: Essex family problems - to disclose or not?
Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2004 11:44:23 +0100
In-Reply-To: <48BA87D0-FBF6-11D8-91DD-000A95EE066C@bigwindows.demon.co.uk>


It is a difficult one...while researching my own tree I found a problem much
closer to home that was a real surprise. You don't think to question the
knowledge of the living as you assume it is all correctly recorded but I
found that my mother and her (still alive) brother were in fact only
half-siblings..they'd had different fathers and he had actually been
christened under a different name...totally unbeknown to him and all the
family for 67 yrs.

We took the decision to tell him what we'd found - as with the advent of the
internet and records being made so available to the public by 1837-0nline
etc it would have been awful for his grandchildren to find out that way.
He's taken it badly, its brought out a lot of negative feelings for him and
he's chosen not to tell his children or grandchildren..my cousins.

I'm now somewhat lumbered with the "knowledge" & feel they should know..if
only for genetic purposes in case there's ever a medical issue but I have to
respect his wishes, and will continue to do so. His main issue is the
annoyance that he was not told by his mother and feels very deceived - he
can deal with the ilegitimacy quite easily, thats life and you have to
accept it has always happened and always will - no point being precious or
offended by it), it's merely the deceit that has been painful.

Unless you know the folk well it is very much a risk as to how they'll take
news of any genetic issue..common sense would tell us that factual info'
like that should be presented and the recipient chooses what to do with the
information themselves.

It's wonderful to find out so much in genealogy but digging up the present
rather than the past is often the real surprise!


Jo
http://www.genogold.com


This thread: