ARIZARD-L ArchivesArchiver > ARIZARD > 2002-05 > 1021397580
From: "Lee Anne Center" <>
Subject: Re: [ARIZARD-L] Sotherners- Off Subject
Date: Tue, 14 May 2002 13:33:00 -0400
What a day (and memory) brightener.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Harold Blevins" <>
Sent: Tuesday, May 14, 2002 8:33 AM
Subject: [ARIZARD-L] Sotherners- Off Subject
> If you are not a staunch defender of the Southern lifestyle.......you
> may as well hit your "delete" button right now............
> Subject: Understanding Southerners
> In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Southerner's mind,
> the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the State.
> 1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
> you do all week at the gym.
> 2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
> going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.
> 3. The red dirt - it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color,
> don't wash your car for a couple weeks - it'll be permanent. The big lumps
> of it ...........they're called "clods."
> 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
> Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
> 5. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
> you whipped.........by our women.
> 6 . Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
> flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
> 13-inch trout you fish for......... bait.
> 7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
> 8. Men, if you want to wear earrings, pierce your nose and whatevers,
> and wear your hair long- go right ahead - but if we call you ma'am, don't
> be offended.
> 9. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
> final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to
> your ear at the time.
> 10. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
> you paid in the airport for one drink.
> 11. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
> it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
> ham and turkey.
> 12.Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is
> sweet You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened - add a
> lot of water.
> 13. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
> over ice.
> 14. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
> have quarter of a million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a
> 15. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
> it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
> 16. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to.
> So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
> 17. We eat dinner together with our families, we pray before we eat
> (yeah, even breakfast), we go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, we go
to high school football games on Friday nights, we still address our seniors
> with 'yes sirs' and 'yes ma'ams', and we sometimes still take Sunday
> around town to see friends and neighbors.
> 18. We don't do "hurry up" well.
> 19. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil
> them with either salty fatback or a ham hock.
> 20. Yeah, we eat catfish , bass, bream, and carp , too. You really want
> sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
> 21. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
> it? Interstate 95 goes two ways-Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick
> 22. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on
> them. You want to put milk and sugar on them - then you want cream of
> wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.
> 23. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season.
> Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before
> daylight at the church on either day.
> 24. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being
> friendly. Understand the concept?
> 25. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
> spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough,
> have these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
> 26. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
> like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
> 27. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You
> park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.
> 28. You burn an American flag in our state - you get beat up. No
> questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature (all 4 of them)
> enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $10 fine for beating up the
> Now, enjoy your visit...
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